BUT can I discuss the amazing things going on. Really. I dropped men really... Finally just let M go away.. when I quit Kroger he was appalled. Do you have anything lined up and so on. Literally appalled. I was really taken aback like .. why the fuck is this really your concern? Like I absolutely was NOT about to put any expectations on him? Like it was literally nothing that would effect him other than me not coming. I mean ... I got my amazing job and postponed starting to see him which... Uhm didn't even happen. Cause he cancelled twice. Which honestly I was fine with because I'd been done but am not able to speak up that way... YET! I will be.. which is why I should be working on things. And when he read I found an awesome job he wasn't really excited but had the audacity to say he was proud of me..that still burns me. You don't know me... AT ALL... You have no right to say you're proud of me ... Ever. Especially given the bullshit of whatever the fuck it was from 4th of July on. Like. Seriously. Yet.. I still have his key and I simply went away. I keep waiting for him to unfriend me but he has not and whatever. Feel free to watch my growth from the sidelines.
What I have found was as soon as I decided I was done... With M and R was gone and all I focused on was me. Even T is not before me.i help, enable more than I should but I have said no and I stand my ground. I put me back to focus and boom my amazing job.
This job though. I love it, truly , but it's so much! I'm exhausted and the idea of working on things when I get home from work is just more exhausting so . I haven't. I have made sure to do my book and I am doing my daily blog and staying very aware.
What's crazy is my last post was literally the day.. I think that my current holy shit was even seen. Ive reread it and I don't even remember doing it, that worries me so. Then I checked FB and yup that's when I saw it.
The 21st. I drove down Jefferson heading to the Laundromat from Sturgis and there was a for rent sign, in front of the cutest little house. And I made a mental note but when I got to the light, right at my job, I turned around. I got the info and was determined to move forward on it. I got to the Laundromat, started my clothes and researched as far as I could. It wasn't much, minimal info on Zillow. I messaged a couple friends and was so excited. It's $1200 a month + Utilities and utilities $1200 down. I have half in savings because my plan was to hopefully move in March. So I got home and I called. The current resident moves out the 26th. We can see it then but let me send the application.
So the next day I printed it and filled it out at work. Tuesday was a snow day and super icy so no school and I stayed home. I worked but stayed home. So on Wednesday I sent the application along with an email explaining somethings. I didn't want to share too much but I also wanted to be honest and forthcoming. I got a text the next day that they received the application and will be in touch. So I waited. And I waited. I woke up in an especially shitty mood in Saturday and started questioning so much. And I drew cards and checked myself and went to bed. Sunday was laundry so I headed there about 11.
I had just put my clothes in the dryer and I got a text about verifying income because I'd only been working there for 2 months. So I said absolutely and such. We chatted a bit and then they asked if I'd seen the house. And just like that I was seeing the house when my clothes finished drying.
It is the cutest little house! Only 738sq ftish 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and a finished basement on just under an acre. Detached 2 car garage. Like.. it's perfect and I can walk from work. So we shake hands, he was ready right then but she wanted to verify that I wouldn't struggle. It was more concern for me than them. They were really nice. So I found my paystubs and sent them off Monday morning.
I heard nothing. So today . Tuesday was a long day. I was in at 5 and I didn't stop until 11. I walked into my kisses office and said "I've been going for six hours, can we do my review so I can sit for a bit". He laughed and said sure.
I've never had a review like this. He told me I "was the breath of fresh air we needed." There was absolutely nothing negative and I'm still just so shocked. It was so empowering and simply wonderful! So then we chatted and I happened to ask how to find out what I am at rate wise and explained the house and he said I can show you the math but I can tell you where you're at with your raise that will take effect Feb 1st and will be either in this check or the next one. I stared for a moment and thanked him and went to my desk. I instantly emailed the owners and let them know that I was just given a raise and wanted to make sure I shared the change because I was excited about the opportunity.
I received an email within minutes, "you are not a bother. I actually texted you this morning offeya year lease." I just kinda silently squealed and responded with YAY! And went from there. So I am renting a house!
In a week I am now renting a house within walking distance from work. I'm just so proud of me. Truly. I am in a place personally I never fathomed I'd be. My headspace has never been as it is and I didn't know I really could change it. I really do plan to thank E one day I think because had I never ended up so low and broken I never would have helped myself. I would have stayed as long as I could and dealt with it. All of that was for the better good because now I am finding out just who the hell I am and I have no intention of stopping. I want to feel the way I do about my job in every part of my lifeandi I intend to.
Today was... Amazing
And I am cute AF
~ T ~
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