I should...

I should have done more today, I should have. I took myself to an early movie. I often found myself looking around, thinking about whatever. I'd catch it and watch it and enjoy it but then I'd be looking at the numbers in the floor and the light of the wall. Renfield was good, Funny and Gory and honestly.. Nicholas Cage gives Dracula a great ego hahaha. I really did enjoy it, I almost cried like three times because of well... I felt I connected too well with some of the characters and I just wanted to cry. I didn't but the tears were ready to fall. I ate unnecessary crap and justify it because Wonderland Theater is great lol. All of this and I still left feeling low. I try to think about why and I don't really have an answer. I'm just down. Last Wed was bad, this one is quite indifferent and I really need to wake up ok tomorrow. I want to be smiley and chipper but I can't help but question why. Why bother you know. I'm tired, I never feel rested and I just wonder you know. What if I do all this, feel all of this and I'm still just me. I got a delicious double scoop of ice cream and though I felt that enjoyment with each bite, it was fleeting. I

still came home and just tried to fall asleep. I prefer to be asleep, it's the better state of being. 

~~T