The day after my last post, we decided my start date. I have the job. It is mine just like I said it was. I'm still in shock I guess.. not that it's mine but that I so firmly believed it and claimed it. At no point in the process did I think anything other than this was mine. It's bizarre and I still feel this way. I'm just ready to get this going.
This job is LIFE changing for me and I will remind myself of that. The opportunity given to me is one I simply could not ignore or deny. Every decision from the moment I hit apply was for myself. I will not waste what I did. I did not throw my life up into the air to not grow and do better for myself. To heal and grow. The only way to do that was level up, and that's what I decided when I hit apply.
I want that in every aspect of my life. I want that certainty, that belief in myself in every aspect of my life. That is now a goal. I fucking loved how I felt and feel. I'm not scared! I'm not worried! I do not know if there was ever a time I wasn't worried about every part of my life. Everything was linked to worry and stress. Now.. work... Is a foundation. Not a worry and I've not even had my first day.
My therapist just smiled and just showed so much happiness and pride for me and I'm so unbelievably grateful for her and this path. Every few months my reason changes. I'm more determined to work on my mental health and find out who I am supposed to be or grow into. It's painful AF, harder than I imagined but I'll be damned if it works (if we put in true, honest effort) and there is nothing that will make me return to old me. Forward is all I am willing to accept from here on.
~T~
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