I try to relax, I smoke weed. I didn't used to. Really almost never. I'm grateful for it, my friend saw me spiraling, saw me trying to die and her thought was weed and it absolutely saved my life. It occasionally slowed things down. Never quiet but sometimes it slowed down and it helped me cope just enough. Weed was not enough, I went to my Dr is Nov 2018 because I was actively planning and trying. Though weed helped me a bit, it was not enough. Nothing stopped my head, nothing helped me be quiet. I tried to relax, I couldn't so maybe this will help me more.
On Pg. 23, DBT Workbook, "In a state of relaxation, your heart beats more slowly and your blood pressure is reduced. Your body is no longer in a state of constant emergency, preparing to either confront a stressful situation or run away from it. As a result, it's easier for your brain think of healthier ways to cope with your problems". Now reading that quote, twice, is why I chose to share it, I am in a constant state of flight. I do not like confrontation, I don't. I have never actually been in a physical fight. I never fought back with my brother, never. I just always felt that's what I was supposed to experience I guess. That it didn't matter so why bother. Maybe eventually he'd stop, but not until I was 18 and we learned just how hard a man could potentially hit and neither of us were prepared for that. I guess maybe that's why I stay so long before I cave and run away from a shitty relationship. Is that running? I feel like everything I dealt with was in fact a form of running but that's my head. Anyway that was not the point of this post, simply that I felt that quote and it needed touched on.
So before I set my Relaxation Plan, I do want to share that I kept myself in control yesterday. I went in Sunday at 4am. I had a very busy day ahead and I had like an hour and a half left when I found myself just staring at my icing cart saying over and over "I just don't have enough time" and felt my eyes swell with tears. I felt the melt down right in the surface, but I really didn't have time for it. Truly didn't. I stood there feeling the tears and I just closed my eyes and breathed. Just stood there breathing, then I turned around and finished my work. I stopped the meltdown and I was exhausted but I stopped it.
My DBT Skills Workbook uses all five sense, so that there are different options. We're all so different and options in my opinion are good. Pages 24-28 covers all 5 senses.
Self-Soothing with Sense of Smell, pg 24. "Smell is a very powerful sense that can often trigger memories and make you feel certain ways". Identifying smells that make you feel good is the important part, not ones that make you feel bad. There is a list of ideas, and it asks that we check off the ones I'd be willing to do. Here is the list of ideas from pg. 24 :
X - Burn Candles or Incense in your room ur house. Find a scent pleasing to you. - I actually love candles and use them to try to relax in general. I had not thought to use it when I was upset.
__ - Wera scented oils, perfume, or cologne that makes you feel happy, confident or sexy. I honestly don't use perfume. I barely use a specific scented lotion (Champagne Toast) I can't say I have it no one that's help me feel better.
__ - Cut out perfumed cards from magazines and carry them with you in your handbag or wallet. I can't tell you the last time I bought a magazine, let alone one with perfume cards. But like perfume, that's not for me.
X - Go someplace where the scent is pleasing to you, like a bakery or restaurant. I will definitely need to think about this one. Obviously food is my vibe haha but I definitely should think about places I can go to smell my way back to sanity.
X - Bake your own food that has a pleasing smell, like chocolate chip cookies. This would be good for me hor many reasons, if I can control myself not eating them all during a self destructive episode hahaha
X - Lie down in your lucal park and smell the grass and outdoor smells. I'm going to check this though I'm not going to lie down. I'm just not physically able to do this without drawing attention to myself and I don't like attention. I would be willing to find a bench or swing and enjoy.
X - But fresh-cut flowers or seek out flowers in your neighborhood. I've actually been wanting to bring flowers into my room so maybe I'll try to utilize them somehow.
__ - Hug someone who makes you calm. I want to check this off but the tragedy is those hugs are just not near me. I don't really get hugs now and I honestly miss them. So when I do get them, like now spending time with Matt, I'm taking each one in as much as I can!
X- spray a favorite scent on something small and carry it with you. I thought if this when the suggestion of touch mentioned something similar.
Self-Soothing using your sense of vision. "Vision is very important to humans. In fact, a large portion of our brain is devoted solely to our sense of sight". The things we see can have a huge impact on us, good and bad. This makes it important to images with effects. The last of ideas for pg. 24 are:
__ - Go Through magazines or books to cut out pictures that you like. Make a collage of them to hang on your wall or keep some of them with you in your handbag or wallet to look at when you're away from home. Again... I just don't buy magazines. I might be willing to use the internet to look at things or if my cookbooks or something is handy that I can just go through. I feel like reading would be just as beneficial.
X - Find a place that's soothing for you to look at, like a park or museum. Or find a picture of a place that's soothing for you to look at, like the Grand Canyon. I need to do this, I need to go sit in the backyard, drive to a park, go somewhere I like.
__ - Go to a bookstore and find a collection of photographs or paintings that you find relaxing. I'm definitely not going to go to a bookstore or even a Library, sorry I just don't.
X - Draw or paint your own picture that's pleasing. I have plenty to be working on, drawing and coloring.
X - Carry a picture or photograph of someone you live, you find attractive or someone you admire. I have them all on my phone, I need to remember to do this, maybe figure out how to make a separate folder of just the .
Self-Soothing Using your Sense of Hearing, pg 25. Music is my absolute favorite pass time. I love music. Some suggestions are:
X - Listen to soothing music. This can be classical, opera, oldies, new age, Motown, jazz, Celtic, African, or anything else that works for you. It may or may not have words. I use Pandora daily and I have a plethora of searions. I often use music as a distraction as well, going to music that I can sing along to.
__ - Listen to books on tape or compact discs. Many public libraries have options you can borrow. I've always enjoyed reading and listening was never something I considered. I've never tried and I really don't want to. I like my own mind when I read.
X - Turn on the television and just listen. Find a boring show, nothing excitable, it in a comfortable chair or lie down and close your eyes and simply listen. Have the volume on low. Bob Ross is suggested and honestly that sounds amazing haha. I had initially not checked this, but I may try it. I might fall asleep haha.
__ - Listen to a gentle talk show on the radio. It's important that it's gentle, not something that will upset you. Stay away from things like political talk shows and the news. I do not like talk on the radio, I use Pandora because it's just music. I don't like morning shows, nothing like that. It's just not for me.
X - Open your window and listen to the peaceful sounds outside. Or, if you live somewhere without relaxing sounds, go somewhere you can visit with pleasing sounds, like a park.
X - Listen to a recording of nature sounds, like frogs or birds.
X - listen to a white noise machine. Pg. 26- White noise is a sound that blocks out other distracting sounds. You can buy a machine that makes white noise with circulating air, or you can use a fan. I have a white noise app on my phone and iPad and I gave a fan. I yse it at night to sleep.
Self-Soothing Using Your Sense of Taste, pg. 26. Our tongue has distinct regions of taste buds on it to recognize different flavors and tastes, which can then trigger memories and feelings. The DBT Skills Workbook notes that if eating is a problem for you, such as eating, bingeing, purging or restricting what you eat, talk to a professional counselor about getting help, pg 27. ***I'm gonna note instead of having this damn section done in a couple days... It's been a couple weeks... Fucking ADHD and exhaustion...****
Food is a definite issue for me. I love it, so so much. Food is an experience for me but it's t us also a comfort. A bad day will gave me needing candy, fastfood and just crap. So I will have to be careful if I choose to include taste. Some suggestions listed on Pg. 27 are:
X - Enjoy your favorite meal, whatever it is. Eat it slowly so you can enjoy the way it tastes. I'm supportive of the favorite meal but it's hard for me to eat slowly lol. I am working on that though haha.
/ - Carry lollipops, gun or other candy with you to eat when you feel upset. I'm leaving half an x for this one. Gum could be of help but I do have a serious candy addiction and I will end up eating all of it at once. I do not have control over my candy/sugar so I try to not buy it. Gum I keep on hand though!
X - Eat a soothing food, like ice cream, chocolate, pudding, or something else that is soothing. If I can control it then I am willing to use it. I will gave to determine my state if mind regarding the control aspect though.
X - Drink something soothing, like tea, coffee or hot chocolate. Practice drinking it slowly so you can enjoy the way it tastes. I love coffee haha so I'm gonna need decaf too lol
X - Suck on an ice cube or an ice pop, especially if you're feeling warm, and enjoy the taste as it melts in your mouth.
X - Buy a piece of ripe and juicy fresh fruit and eat it slowly.
All of these have definite possible uses if I'm in control of my eating at the time.
Self-Soothing Using Your Sense of Touch
We are constantly using our hands and feeling things and yet we often forget our actual sense of touch. "Our skin is our largest organ, and it's completely covered with nerves that carry feelings to our brain" pg 27 DBT Skills Workbook. Certain sensations can be enjoyable like petting a soft dog but others can be painful. Sensations are individual to each of us, so remember what is pleasing to you may not be pleasing to me. Some suggestions using the sense of touch from pg.27 are:
X - Carry something soft or velvety in your pocket to touch when you need to, like a piece of cloth. I should consider this, I had never thought of it.
X- take a hot or cold shower and enjoy the feeling of falling water. I love a hot shower, it's my favorite thing at the end of the day.
X- take a warm bubble bath and enjoy the warm water on your skin. If I had access to a tub, bubble baths would be daily.
__ - Get a massage. Look into the variety and find a location that fits you. I'm unsure about this, it's a cost I never have and I'm just unsure.
X - Massage yourself. Sometimes just rubbing your soreness is pleasing. I actually do this sometimes.
I live with others, it's not easy for me. I'm always the one others live with. My room is Luke my apartment, it's as me as it can be and jam packed and probably slightly chaotic. BUT it's my space and I like it.
Relaxation and Soothing Skills to use at Home:
1. Take a hot shower with music. Listen to a station that you enjoy.
2. Go into your room, turn on music or a show you enjoy to play in the background. Even your white noise app.
3. If it's not too hot in the room (currently eek man lol) light your candles but position the fans so they do not affect the burning.
4. Make sure your curtain is open if it's day time. The sunlight will add brightness. Stand in the window for a few minutes and feel the sun.
5. Look at your plants, gently touch their leaves. Talk to them, feel their life as they soak up the sunlight.
6. Lay on your bed, have your fan set to hit only you, using whichever speed is beneficial. Feel the air and imagine it's wind.
7. Close your eyes, just listen to the sounds.
8. Let your mind just be. When it starts to focus on something, open your eyes and look at your paintings. Think about their colors, which you like to look at most. Once your mind is clear, close your eyes again.
9. Just be.
Depending on why I'm away from home will determine how I use this.
Self-Soothing Skills to use when away from home:
1. Carry something that is both soft but also able to carry scent. Keep in your pocket or in your purse for easy access.
2. Stop and drink your water. Feel the coolness in your mouth, the wetness as you drink and it hydrates you. Take the time to enjoy the freshness.
3. If at work, Go into the cooler or freezer and just close your eyes and breathe deeply. Feeling the cool aur in your skin and as it feels your lungs. If in your car, roll down all the windows but do not close your eyes! Haha.
I'm keeping the away from home short, simply because I'm unsure how to fully look at away from home. I will revisit this.
I'm leaving the start of this post as it is. It has in fact taken me 2 weeks to finish. I can say it was a lot to type out but actually I was doing somethings for fun but also... I just can't make myself no matter how much I know I need to. Fucking ADHD man. I'm working on it though.. awareness right.
~~ T
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