Exercise: Radical Acceptance

I'll admit, I closed the book and haven't come back to it, but I still worked on trying to be aware and not overreact. This exercise for Radical Acceptance lists a few situations that can typically come up in daily life, at least I can make them work for me. 

Over the last week there were definitely times at work were I was able to accept the situation, feel it and let it go. 45 min! I festered angerly but it'd slip away and I'd pull it back to stay angry. It was always my norm, to just stay angry. I'd realized I couldn't, couldn't stay angry. It just hept slipping away and it was odd. Because that was never my typical state of being. I've never been able to not harbor anger, especially at work. 

I had started noticing about 2 years ago, maybe even longer, that certain posts on Facebook would trigger me, absolutely enrage me. I'd get caught up in comments and my anger would just build and build. I'd get angry all night. One day, I stopped myself mid rant, and just started deleting. Thus awareness was important for me, and I'm grateful that I noticed it. 

The first "situation" listed is: Read a controversial story in the newspaper without being judgmental about what has occurred. - I do not read the newspaper, honestly I do not like the news. We no longer get the real information in general, I do feel it's all controlling and it's fed to us. 

I admit my cynicism as I age, simply is. That said I feel I can use Social Media in the same fashion. The amount of controversial topics I face daily in my feed is simply ugh. I try to let everyone have their opinions regardless of my stance on the matter, I work really hard on not judging others. Some topics though, the energy it takes to start reading the comments and then feel myself ready to respond because one of them went too far. Instead, I've started reading them and when I do feel myself starting to shift I leave the thread. I've taken the notion of it is what it is, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know these people, I've no actual affect on their lives and I don't want any given their views.  Why would I let these strangers then affect me? So, it is what it is, and I leave. I admit I don't leave before I've started to feel the frustration or anger, but I do leave the thread and I do let it go. That feeling is quite amazing. To let it go. To say I'm so used to feeling anger for days and to at some times let it go is truly wonderful. I really never thought that was in fact a possibility. 

The next situation: The next time you get caught in heavy traffic, wait without being critical. First HAHAHAHA. I hate traffic! I grew up in California, learned to drive in Southern Cali traffic. I choose to avoid highways and will add time to my drive to simply avoid the path of least resistance.  That said, traffic and I are not friends. I will actively need to be aware during my driving to determine where I am. I'd I'm running late, I admit I'm highly aggressive. I try to give myself time simply because haha. 

The next situation involves watching the World News without being critical of what's happening. I do not believe that is an area I'm will to test yet, this world.. humanity.. it just really sets off my emotions. 

Then we end with this situation: Review a nonupsetting event that happened in your life many years ago, and use radical acceptance to remember the event without judging it. In my current state, the goal I want to reach is to review all aspects of my life without judgment. To not regret, to not hate myself for any various reasons, to accept what's happened to me, whether intentional or not, and let it go.  I know this says nonupsetting but I'm not sure how often I think back to situations that were not upsetting, I've always gone to the upsetting, always been the victim. That's what shifted, I'd been living as a victim for so long that I finally was done being one. 

I will have to work on this, thinking about nonupsetting times, neutral times in life. Though I want to dig through everything, face it all so I can fully heal but I need to also acknowledge that my entire life was not a negative. 

Radical Acceptance is definitely something I need to fully implement in my life. More times than not there's really nothing I can do, it is what it is. 

All of this post is from me working through The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, Matthew McKay PH.D. Jeffrey C. Wood, PSY.D. Jeffrey Brantley, MD. 

~~T