I chose this book on a whim, I know my inner child is damaged and in my journey I plan to heal her. I am choosing a journal to write the activities in (I'll also share them here). I feel this little book can easily be revisited and used at different points in life so I feel a journal is the best way to utilize this little book.
I've actually started the first page already, several months ago actually.
When I think about day dreaming I was more in Jr high dreaming about being liked by any boy hoping my brother B was wrong. By high school I'd imagine being married to someone with a simple name haha. Vogele was not easy and I'd dream of a Smith or Brown.. I dreamed of being a mother. I wanted a big family and had names (first, middle and nicknames haha) for 6 children, 4 girls and 2 boys. I even imagined what their nursery themes would be and everything. I wanted a big family because maybe then they'd like each other, not like me and my brother B. I dreamed of someone liking me. When I try to think about my very young self I don't remember having daydreams. I noted I would leave spa e to come back to this.
I want to be able to add to this, like suddenly I had some memory snap and I dreamed of being a princess but no. I really have no memory of daydreams, I just dreamed of someone liking me and maybe loving me. That's all I wanted was to know what it felt like to be liked/loved.
I know now that I need to love me, the only person I need to love me is me. And until I fully love me I don't think anything will ever work.
I still plan to come back to this topic, hoping as I unlearn and reconnect with all of myself maybe something will come to me, I refuse to believe that I never had childish and fun daydreams!
I thought this Self-Esteem Checklist is another page to revisit often. I decided to highlight the ones that are more routine at this point (I do something regarding them daily) in green and the ones I'm trying to get to be routine in pink. I'll continue to check in on it and change it adjust based on where I am at that time.
I am also going to list the page facing my checklist.
Some Signs of a Wounded Inner Child, there's no actual page number but it would be 3.
**A deep-seated belief that you are broken. (I had not read these yet and I reference myself as broken so unbelievably often).
**Fear of abandonment and loss of love (I'd like to say no but I've realized there are a few that I'm terrified of losing and I need to apparently work on that).
**Insecure and low self-esteem (duh...)
**Loss of self in an attempt to gain approval from others (I'm sure I may marriages this is solid, I've always did a chameleon like situation to be sure I'm always good enough, though it apparently always fails)
**Fearful of setting boundaries and saying "no" (uhm boundaries are an in progress situation. I've really never been able to have them apparently and as for saying no, I feel guilty and do not do well with it)
**Seeking instant gratification through substances, shopping, distraction and procrastination (damn.. this one too. Instant gratification has come up in therapy often and ugh to all of this one!)
Feel free to think about these for yourself, what did you daydream of?? What can you check off on the self-esteem check list? Maybe together we can heal our inner child. I think I'll work on giving my inner little T a big hug, that's a lot of pain to realize is tied to my childhood, she deserves to be held and held tight.
~~ T
No comments:
Post a Comment